Presidents by Hotness

From Mike Ryan, something fun: The Presidents of the United States in order of Hotness. Examples:

1. Franklin Pierce

Here he is—the hottest American president! You’re probably thinking “Wow! Where has Franklin Pierce been all my life?” The answer is that he died in 1869.

4. Thomas Jefferson

You might be familiar with Thomas Jefferson if you’ve ever seen a nickel and then fallen in love with the mysterious stranger whose profile is engraved on its surface, perhaps taking one out of your pocket every few minutes to give it gentle kisses.

9. Franklin D. Roosevelt

If you want a “date that will live in infamy,” then make a date with this man. Just keep your wits about you—if he offers you a “New Deal,” he may just be trying to “pack your Supreme Court,” as the kids say.

11. Woodrow Wilson

Woodrow Wilson is like that stern professor you had a crush on in college until he left his academic career to run for president, so you dropped out and kept showing up at his house in the middle of the night until the Secret Service arrested you.

24. Richard Nixon

What’s not to love about a corrupt bad boy who plays by his own rules? He’s like the James Dean of presidents!

25. Herbert Hoover

Is this a photo of former U.S. president Herbert Hoover or celebrated filmmaker Orson Welles? Trick question! They are the same person. Herbert Hoover’s entire presidency was a War-of-the-Worlds-style hoax that, unfortunately, went over the heads of the gullible American people as well as several generations of historians.